my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We left the knife in your bed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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