my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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