thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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