In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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