3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
