my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
