Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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