I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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