she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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