I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
