I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
