i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
