we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize