elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize