we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
