You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
