omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize