i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
