how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize