I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize