So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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