Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
