I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
