I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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