i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think people are normalizing furries
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
