mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
