he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
