I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
