Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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