I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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