Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found puke in my bra..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize