Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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