I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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