im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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