I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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