Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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