He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
