That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
