Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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