Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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