I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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