i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We need to get me chipped asap
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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