If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
