Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
