I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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