anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
