she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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