the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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