I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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