some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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