So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
