Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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