We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
