I CAN MOONWALK!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize