a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
