Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
