I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
