we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
