it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
