Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
