what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize