You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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