my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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