my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
