its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
