I'm passing your future prison.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
