It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
