I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
