If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
