He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have tasted many bathrooms
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
